Here’s what happened
me and 3 people were having a social event. One girl said to me: “Terrence, do you know who Abraham-Hicks is?”
After she said this, my rectum tightened and my stomach tightened and my chest tightened. I managed to appear calm and reply: “Oh sure, I’ve heard of them”
OK, so Terrence was in conflict. Let’s NVC this:
Instead of tightening my body and using a facial mask, I might’ve said: “I am feeling hostile, peeved, resentful, annoyed, livid contempt because my needs for dignity, acceptance, consideration, respect, shared reality and to be known were not met.”
But is NVC enough?
Clearly, there is a personality/psychological defect in Terrence. What normal, sane person would get bent out of shape over a person making sure they they knew who Abraham-Hicks was?
Wait a minute, she was talking to me like I was a kindergartener
In Transactional Analysis, they speak of 3 roles: child, parent, adult. A child-parent dynamic is when one person speaks to another person as if they are the parent and the other person is a child. That is what was happening here: she spoke to me like I was some sort of dummy.
What is the real fix?
I feel better having analyzed the feelings and needs that led to my sub-standard emotional response. But I still have the personality defect. Even if she was condescending, there is no need for me to get huffy.